Code-named “Donald Trump”: Giant Lab Spider Incites Panic
NOVEMBER 6, 2016. According to the National Enquirer, their stealth investigative unit in Moscow has uncovered a Russian Genetic Engineering project hitherto unbeknownst to the West.
Code-named “Donald Trump” presumably for Russian President Vladimir Putin’s genuine fondness for Trump, who has stated: “next to Steven Seagal, the greatest living American actor of all time, I also consider Donald Trump my true American friend.” He praised Trump for being a “business genius” and one whose ideas are instantly recognizable as—”a real American original”.
The Gdansk trauma and psychiatric clinic has filled to the brim with psychotic patients who witnessed the gigantic arachnid up-close. Fortunately, the spokesman for the clinic, Wold Wramorchz (pronounced in english: “Ben Carson”), says that their state of the art electro-shock and lobotomy care unit will restore these patients to full mental health.
In a connected though somewhat unrelated fashion, Putin has issued an unusual decree. It appears that the Cyrillic alphabet that corresponds to the English alphabetic letter “ T ” is silent in Russian. Putin has decreed the “Tee” sound added to that formerly silent character in order to restore the full grandeur in the Russian pronunciation of Donald Trump.
As for the spider, the arachnid has been captured and returned to a heavily fortified Russian compound located near the Turkish border, behind a very tall and well-built wall.
